A.C. Moore and Cardiac Arrhythmia

Yesterday, we had the remnants of Hurricane Ernesto cross our area, so it was a pretty miserable rainy and gloomy day. It was a good day to get some errands done and do a bit of shopping. And then Lisa sprang it on me...."After lunch, I need to go to A.C. Moore".

I immediately got a case of Cardiac arrhythmia and felt my heart skip a couple beats. For those lucky souls never to have set foot in an A.C. Moore, let me describe the place:

The store's tagline is " No One Does Arts, Crafts, and Florals Better". That pretty much describes what they sell. The average price of most items is about 2$ and pretty much nothing in the whole store costs more than $30. Here is a video from their web site: Fall Craft Video. You will get the idea after about 30 seconds, the kind of consumer this place attracts.

As we made our way into the store, I felt my heart again and started to get a Headache. Lisa started to sweep through the aisles scanning through the myriad of Glitter Glue and Silk Flowers. I asked her if I could help her find something. She said not really. I was adamant about helping and asked her again and she relented and said she was looking for a "Fall Doily". I was wrong. I have no idea what a "doily" is, much less a fall doily....

So, left to my own, I decided to do a little research and see what other men in the store were doing. Here is my market research analysis:

Man #1: Older man in a gray sweater, by himself. He looked busy browsing a tall bin, until I noticed what was in the bin - $2 "Fuzzy Sock Puppets". Not quite sure I want to know what he needs those for...

Man#2: This other guy, a Dad, about my age, was in line buying 9 wood stars of varied sizes. He looked really concerned that he didn't have the right stars that his wife really needed for some Fall Floral Arrangement. Poor Guy - sent into AC Moore by himself. Never, ever go into AC Moore with a shopping list.

Man #3: This guy looked like he was enjoying the shopping experience. Nodding his head, saying how that picture frame would look good in the bathroom. Then, I realized he was tapping away the whole time on his Blackberry - getting a little work done. This guy was obviously a veteran AC Moore shopper and knew how to make the time more productive. Note to self - bring gadget next time.

After about 20 more minutes of shopping, Lisa was done. 30 minutes of shopping and here is what we bought - 1 coloring book and 2 of these:

For a grand total of (less our 50% off one item coupon):

($5.75)

Here is the kicker - Lisa told me to "save the receipt, in case I need to return something". This is the clear line between male and female shoppers. Anything I buy for less that 20$ - I toss the receipt in the trash. Nope, women will drive 30 miles, spend 4$ in gas money, to return a 3$ item....

Well, I thankfully made it out of the store alive. No sudden heart attack in the "doily" aisle. That would be a sorry way to go. Imagine the headline: "Police Scratch Their Heads As Another Man Dies in Doily Aisle of AC Moore".

I will leave you with my top 3 list of stores for males to avoid if you want to steer clear of potential heart problems:

1. AC Moore, of course

2. JoAnn Fabrics (close second...luckily, you only have to go here every 10 years or so)

3. Linens N Things (at least they sell some electronics here)

And of course the Top 3 stores for males to do a little browsing:

1. Best Buy

2. Circuit City

3. Sharper Image

See ya.