Friday, March 03, 2006

Becoming a Flexitarian

Ever have a month where you just ate like crap? You know - Buffalo Wings, Potato Skins, Tombstone Pizza, Busch beer, Western Omelette's, bacon and other foods that make your stomach turn. A month where the only vegetable you eat is the potato in potato chips. A month where the only fruit that makes it into your belly is a marachino cherry.

I did. That month was August 2005 and I decided then and there it was time to go vegetarian.

Why vegetarian you say? Why not just eat healthy?

Simple. I needed an easy way to decide quickly what was ok to eat and what was not. Becoming a vegetarian seemed the easiest path to healthy eating and feeling great. If you can't eat meat -then no more fast food or greasy food and instead - lots of vitamin rich, nutritious leafy stuff. Easy, I thought. Lots of people I know are vegetarians - if they can do it, why not me?

Here is the definition of Vegetarian from Wikipedia:

Vegetarianism is the practice of not eating meat, including beef, poultry, fish, or their by-products, with or without the use of dairy products or eggs. The exclusion may also extend to products derived from animal carcasses, such as lard, tallow, gelatin, rennet and cochineal. Some who follow the diet also choose to refrain from wearing products that involve the death of animals, such as leather, silk, fur and many or all down feathers. It should be noted that although many vegetarians abstain from all animal by-products, others make exceptions in their diet and attire. Vegetarians may consume dairy and egg products; a stricter form is veganism, which excludes dairy, eggs, and any foods that contain these or other animal products.

So, let me be clear - I have no problem philosophically with eating or wearing animal products and always ate meat quite happily. I did see a 60 Minutes episode once about Purdue caged up chicken's that eat growth hormones and never see the light of day and that did kind of gross me out. I like trying new things (see previous indoor hat blog posting) and knew it was time to become a vegetarian after that month of stomach abuse.

Little did I realize there are lots of types of vegetarians:

Lacto-ovo vegetarianism - Lacto-ovo vegetarians do not eat meat but do consume dairy products and eggs. This is currently the most common variety in the Western world.

Fruitarianism involves a diet of only fruit, nuts, seeds, and other plant matter that can be gathered without harming the plant. Some fruitarians eat only plant matter that has already fallen off the plant. This typically arises out of a holistic philosophy. Thus, a fruitarian will eat beans, tomatoes, cucumbers, pumpkins, and the like, but will refuse to eat potatoes or spinach.

Did you read the above clearly? Not being able to pick an apple off a tree is freakin extreme. Trust me - there are lots of other kinds too. But there is one type that is doable by normal people (people like me and you). Flexitarianism.

Flexitarianism - Flexitarians adhere to a diet that is mostly vegetarian but occasionally consume meat.

Well, its been about 8 months of happy flexitarian living. This is a real thing - see for yourself - MSNBC news article on it or Google It. Funny thing is - I just realized there is an official term for the way I have been eating. Now you can become vegetarian too, just follow the Flexitarian rules and exceptions.

Basic Rule:

Basically eat lots of fruit, vegetables, whole grain pasta, veggie burgers, cereal, cheese - the usua vegetarian stuff. Fish is allowed. Cutting out fish, sushi, shellfish would be too hard. Plus, bodies need protein and fish is the healthiest way to get it and I like fish.

Exceptions:

1. No chicken, pork, bologna or other low end meats allowed. No big deal, because these meats are just filler and you won't really miss them. Occasionally, feel free to finish that last chicken nugget off your childrens plate or boneless buffalo wing.

2. Steak is not allowed except if under certain conditions. Those conditions include:

  • Tailgating at a Patriots game with 12 friends. Telling 12 friends you are going to bring the eggplant for the grill could jeopardize your invitation from future sporting events. Eat the steak tips and keep your mouth shut. Plus they taste so good after skipping them for a while.
  • Business dinner at Capital Grille. Eating a Portobello Mushroom for dinner could cost you the promotion you have been working hard for. Get the porterhouse and finish it.

3. Bite sized pieces of meat are allowed. This includes things like prosciutto or taking a bite of a steak and cheese sandwich. No harm here, just providing your taste buds a little treat. The rule is that the portion size must be no larger than can fit in bite.

Go ahead and eat that Sausage patty and be proud to be a vegetarian - the flexitarian way.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still not sure I could go this way Mike...unless I'm extra flexible. Still like to treat myself to a Steak and Shake platter now and then - much more than a bite. also -why is checken a low end meat (aside from the raising them issue which is legit). I don't think you can put bologna (a proud member of the genus spam) in the same catagory as chicken...I'd like to meet a fruitarian...picture them wrapped in hemp clothing with long hair and barefoot....

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

eating pole is obviously part of your diet. Homo...

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel marginalized by the comments of Anonymous 3:14 PM. They appear directed towards me, and those like me. Although I am not presently aware of anyone else exactly like me because I do not leave my home very often, there certainly has to be people like me, who don't care about what everyone else thinks of them and looking for others to be friends with. People who won't call each other homo's because of what they like to eat, or what they look like, or because they enjoyed hugging another boy once or anything like that. There are always people looking at me funny out there so I stay inside. But I like vegitables and fruits and I like the smell of fish, though I don't eat it very often because of how slimy it feels in my mouth and I've had bad experiences with slimy stuff in my mouth. I don't like it in my mouth! I like to eat Poptarts, because they taste good and they don't make a mess. Sometimes I'll eat Poptarts for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't do dishes for weeks sometimes. Its great. But I do like to eat fruits, like bananas. Once some guys I thought were my friends tricked me and held me down and did things to me with bananas, and I really hated bananas for a long while. But now that I stay inside most of the time, I can eat them again. And, a couple times I've rubbed the peels all over my body and made myself real slippery and slimy and even though I may have masterbated a lot, the way that I do, that doesn't make me gay, or weird or anything.

Anyway, I'm sorry to have run on like this, and you probably think I'm weird or ugly or something, but I'm glad you wrote about being a flexitarian. I think that was very brave. If I knew how to find you I would like to be your friend. I'll check back on your blog to see if you respond. I'll check it every day, so don't worry about me missing your message. I'll be watching.

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never realized that I too am a flexatarian. I often "Explain the Cape" when I'm flexing to women in a bar. They may ask me a silly question like, "Where is Chatham?" I of course then have carte blanche to flex my arm which takes the shape of Cape Cod, and casually point to the elbow, where Chatham would be. And because I have huge guns, not only have I displayed my manhood by giving proper directions, I have also subtlely shown off the canon. I love being a flexatarian!

2:01 PM  
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